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My Whole Family... (Live)Uh, thanks. Umm...welcome to my show; it's called, "If You Sing Along I'll Fucking Kill You." Uh, this is a song.Every time I go to dinner It seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk; they're not able When I look at them I find There's a single question on their mind I wish it could go back to the way it was It's not easy now because... My whole family thinks I'm gay I guess it's always been that way Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk Makes them think I like... boys That I like boys The goddamn question just won't go away And I get asked every single day But the way they ask it is not a disguise Like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?" That's... funny This is the worst, baby, this was my fear Now their opinions are crystal clear Because... My whole family now is shocked I'm in the closet and the door is locked Now my glory days are gone I was John Elway now I'm Elton John My whole family now suspects That watching Spongebob had side-effects I'm not gay and that's what I said If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow Or my favorite color is the rainbow I don't mean to yell but I fear I must 'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust Because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... motherfucker You all probably think I'm gay Man, this song is counterproductive La la la la la… Because my whole family thinks I'm gay What did they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze Easy-Bake oven was just a phase My whole family thinks I'm queer That is all I ever hear But I've been as straight as a ramp If you don't count Bible camp |