<Anasarca> page <Dying> album page |
Hasten Death1. Hasten DeathCancer has spread to my entire body Weakness keeps me in bed most of the time I'm terrified of losing my mind Brain cancer steals my ability to think I fear that I'm soon unable to communicate I don't want to die after such a long struggle and pain I don't want to suffer at the end of my life I just wanna quick death I'm dying, but death isn't quite imminent I'm dying and I decide the exact point of time myself Accumulated drugs I can hasten death Before I fall into a coma Before I will die in pain Cancer has spread to my entire body Weakness keeps me in bed most of the time I'm terrified of losing my mind Brain cancer steals my ability to think I fear that I'm soon unable to communicate 2. Inside My Head I lost my hair – first round of chemo As I blew out my candles I thought about the next year as I always do Very easy having cancer Cause you do not know you have it at that time Very easy having cancer Until it starts catching up with you I do not think of myself as a cancer patient everyday No thoughts of dying But just enough to bring me down again I want to talk about the cancer inside my head The mental disease that I feel Maybe one day I will have a child and die If my cancer comes back Maybe after, when it is older... No attendence in it's life If my cancer comes back No one ever wants to hear it That any day a bomb will drop again I'm in war with my own body This is my personal Vietnam I lost my hair – first round of chemo As I blew out my candles I thought about the next year as I always do Very easy having cancer Cause you do not know you have it at that time Very easy having cancer Until it starts catching up with you I do not think of myself as a cancer patient everyday No thoughts of dying But just enough to bring me down again Pain inside my head 3. Final Goodbye The mortal sick can't ignore the sickness anymore New surgeries take place new symptoms occur Becoming wrethced and weak no more laughs Growing feelings of a terrible loss Numbness, stoicism, anger and wrath soon will move Enormous pain, preparing the final goodbye Feelings on guilt, depressions, distress Desponded questions about a child to care for No make up for the sickness and approaching death Trying to imaging evrything is solved after one has gone Trying to release, release the own existence on earth The loss of a loved one – is an eternal pain Sick are about to lose everyone they ever loved Failed in healthy days? Failed which ignoring the symptoms? Responsible for the sorrow they feel? Responsible for my pain? Becoming wrethced and weak, no more laughs Growing feelings of a terrible loss Numbness, stoicism, anger and wrath soon will move Enormous pain, preparing the final goodbye The loss of a loved one – is an eternal pain Sick are about to lose everyone they ever loved 4. Anopheles I'll see paradise When I'm gone I hope I will Don't try to survive 'cause of my pain myself I would kill Mortal my life will end caused by a fly Anopheles mosquito bite ignored the twilight risk Nausea vomiturition and diarrhea Accruel of liquids in the lungs fever-stocks Anopheles – creatures of my god? Malaria flies that brought me hell Forever avoiding affected places on earth I'll see paradise When I'm gone I hope I will Don't try to survive 'cause of my pain myself I would kill Mortal my life will end caused by a fly Anopheles mosquito bite ignored the twilight risk Nausea vomiturition and diarrhea Accruel of liquids in the lungs fever-stocks 5. Blame Myself Did I mention that I was dying? Terminal cancer of the lung Metastasized to my bones and some too my brain I'm really pretty fucking pissed Had a really shitty life And can't really blame anyone but me for that I can only blame myself I could blame the tobacco companies But I'm the one that smoked They only make a living selling them I could blame my mom and dad But they did the best they could do And so did I, goddamn it I could blame a god But I don't believe in that anymore There's no fucking god I've got a few months left They could be the worst months of my life If I let them try to enjoy them as much as I can I have no hope Early on, I hoped to be cured To be that one in 100 That lung cancer survived I'm not that lucky though My luck ran out when my brother gave me the coffin nails When I was 9 I can only blame myself I could blame the tobacco companies But I'm the one that smoked They only make a living selling them I can only fucking blame myself 6. Terminal It was a regular Monday evening I was feeling a big weak I blamed it on being out in the sun for too long It was about seven as my phone rang It was my doctor and life-time confidante He didn't seem to be himself that night In his voice I heard some king of fright I asked him jokingly why he called and then stated Jokes about dying of some rare disease It was at this point that I knew that something was wrong He then proceeded to tell me my brief and boring medical history Finally he laid it on me I has cancer and it was terminal The days that followed were difficult The reactions varied from person to reason My parents told me to be strong and reassured me That they were there for me Finally I realized I have cancer and it's terminal I have to deal with it, trying to help myself I felt ostracised from my family and friends Everyone said that they were concerned But no one really knows what they should do No one really knows what to do Difficult days not getting mad Difficult days the days you know you will die 7. Aggressive Killer Smoke hangs in the air of the dying room In it someone lies dying of cancer Bald from chemo his head lolls On a pillow dying of cancer Eyes are open but he can no longer respond Dying of cancer The bones of his cheeks and shoulders Protrude under taut skin Cancer's now eating lungs and liver Thinking of the past, impossible turn back Cell lung cancer – aggressive killer Symptoms easily ignored Cell lung cancer – aggressive killer Within some weeks it takes a life Smoke hangs in the air of the dying room In it someone lies dying of cancer Cell lung cancer – aggressive killer Bald from chemo his head lolls On a pillow dying of cancer Eyes are open but he can no longer respond Dying of cancer Cell lung cancer – aggressive killer 8. Complete Surrender Just a normal day, I went for dinner Suddenly it became very cold Attack of shuddering, pain left side Laid me down into a bed Pain became more intense Coldness grew – unconsciousness Stood up, walked away, fell down stairs Infusions of blood were given – no chance for a cure 10 days I spent in a clinis 10 days to know more and more 10 days to realize I'm dying My thoughts of death became the core Therapy for the dying Treatments without a sense Coldness grew – unconsciousness Cold communication No one really cares for me Insignificant blather No one calmes me down 10 days I spent in a clinis 10 days to know more and more 10 days to realize I'm dying My thoughts of death became the core 9. Inflammation Extreme fever, pain of the neck Pain in the head Awareness disfunction, consciousness Bleeding of the skin Bacterias carried by blood Cause heart malfunction Regurgitation nausea Within hours it's possible to die Germs existing in liquids Not every affected fals sick Germs existing in liquids within hours they could die Blood pressure in the brain grows dangerously Outer walls of the cells are under attack Hallucinations, confusedness Lethargy, irascibility Apathetic, restlessly Extreme fever, pain of the neck Pain in the head Awareness disfunction, consciousness Bleeding of the skin Bacterias carried by blood Cause heart malfunction Regurgitation nausea Within hours it's possible to die Germs existing in liquids Not every affected fals sick Germs existing in liquids Withon hours they will die 10. Dying Pain that grows No one knows what happens to me Degenerating body No one knows what happens to me Head explodes, my mind collapses Suffocate, lungs hurt and terribly tear I'm dying – I'm fucking dying Head explodes, my mind collapses Suffocate, lungs hurt and terribly tear Bones break in simple actions Arduously dying is what I fear I'm dying – I'm fucking dying Head explodes, my mind collapses Suffocate, lungs hurt and terribly tear Bones break in simple actions Arduously dying is what I fear Who the hell can solve my dying mystery? Who the hell is able to help me? I just want to know why I have to die Head explodes, my mind collapses Suffocate, lungs hurt and terribly tear I'm dying – I'm fucking dying Head explodes, my mind collapses Suffocate, lungs hurt and terribly tear Bones break in simple actions Arduously dying is what I fear |